dont hate the media, become the media

love

2005-09-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

love is the master
and I am the puppet

love pulls the strings
and makes me dance
dancing and swirling in and out of its light

it controls my thoughts
my actions
my movements
my very state of being

but nobody really understands
that much is made certain

but what happens when the master cuts the strings away
and I fall
no guidance
no direction
no thought to what I should or should not do
can somebody tell me what to do
- me

hidden in plain view

2005-09-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

everything dies
to u nothins alive
to you
anymore

if i could take ur pain away
i would sccream for you
and i bleed for you
so you never feel this way
and when your in my arms
i would scream for you
i will bleed for you

put the weight on my shoulders
put the pain in my heart
let it tear me apart

so i can be
everything you need...

i should be updatin...once somthin good happens

best verse ever

2005-09-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have not changed my viewsBut every band reports the same newsSo let them tell you punks not deadMaybe they can get aheadIs that the subject you wanna hearNothing's changed but the yearI don't wanna repeat someone else's lines.That's such a waste of time.

quiz

2005-09-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	joe
Birthday:	march 3
Birthplace:	DC
Current Location:	NC
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	currently blue
Height:	5' 11"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
The Shoes You Wore Today:	converses
Your Weakness:	punk girls
Your Fears:	oldness...gross
Your Perfect Pizza:	peperoni and...gumball
Your Most Overused Phrase On an IM:	wickeeeeeeeeed
Thoughts First Waking Up:	why the fuck am i waking up
Your Best Physical Feature:	iunno...sam would say my baby crushing pecs
Your Bedtime:	psht
Your Most Missed Memory:	sts
Pepsi or Coke:	pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	fuck that
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	dont care
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	gross
Do you Smoke:	not anymore
Do you Swear:	fuck no
Do you Sing:	sometimes
Do you Shower Daily:	yeah
Have you Been in Love:	ja
Do you want to go to College:	yeah
Do you want to get Married:	maybe
Do you belive in yourself:	sometimes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	no
Do you think you are Attractive:	iunno im told i am
Are you a Health Freak:	psht
Do you get along with your Parents:	mom yeah dad no
Do you like Thunderstorms:	hells yeah
Do you play an Instrument:	bass
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yeah
In the past month have you Smoked:	yeah
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	define drugs...jk no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no
In the past month have you gone to a M***:	yeah
Have you ever eaten a box of Oreos:	yeah
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yeah
In the past month have you been Dumped:	yeah
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	yeah
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	yeah
Ever been Drunk:	yeah
Ever been c***ed a Tease:	no
Ever been Beaten up:	does my dad count?
Ever Shoplifted:	yeah
How do you want to Die:	i wanna die in a mosh pit
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	photographer or musician
What country would you most like to Visit:	england
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	blue
Favourite Hair Color:	RED
Short or Long Hair:	diff for diff ppl...short hair can be sexy sometimes
Height:	shorter than me
Weight:	iunno
Best Clothing Style:	punk
Number of Drugs I have taken:	less than me
Number of CDs I own:	dont care
Number of Piercings:	belly button/nose/ears
Number of Tattoos:	2
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	less than me
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

waste some time

2005-09-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

shoulda done somthin but ive done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste my time with you
shoulda said somthin but i said it enough
by the way my hands were shakin
rather waste some time with you

yeah so sorry i havent updated in awhile...school and stuff...yeah im gonna get back on track with this, not that it particularly matters. haha
my schedule

1-art history
2-math
3-photography
4- ips ~science~
5-music ensemble
6-foundations
7-western philosophy
8-orientation.

bang

2005-08-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

i want the pain of payment
whats left but a section of pygmy sized cuts
much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
would u be my little cut
would u be my thousand fucks
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a FUCKING KNIFE

heart

2005-08-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

i once saw a man with his heart in his hands
and he was eating of it
and i asked him...
is it good
and he replied
it is bitter
but i like it because it is bitter
and i love it because it is mine
my heart

my last serenade

2005-08-21T15:05:00.001-07:00

this revelation is the death of ignorance tangled in a state of suffocation slave to self righteousness damnation is on your lips from sorrow to serenity, the truth is absolution,from sorrow to serenity, its on your head this is my last serenade i feel you as you fall away this is my last serenade from yourself you can't run away it's your choice, point the finger but it's on your head your destination is a choice within yourself will you rise or become a slave to self righteousness open up your heart and gaze within.-killswitch engage.
im glad i saw it coming this time because now i just dont give a fuck!
oh yeah camp was cool. nobody called tho so i hate them all!
fuck its hot.

my last serenade

2005-08-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

call me

2005-07-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

oi! im at camp now...call me, ask for me i shall talk. 1-570-685 2640. and that would be awesome. yeah...

bored

2005-07-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

im bored...sams here... i leave for camp tomorow

nothin to say

2005-07-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

yeah...i miss max alot. only about 5 more weeksish tho!!

when

2005-07-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

When will the day come when I get to feel,
get to have happiness that is real?
Why is it that I don’t deserve,
to get another chance, to feel self assured?
In return there is only dark and despair,
what is there in this pit to share?
I have a whole lot of questions, like how can I tell?
Have I already died and gone to hell?

YOU GUYS ARE LUCKY THIS WILL EVER BE SEEN BY ANYBODY!! I WROTE IT AWHILE AGO AND DECIDED NOT TO PUBLISH BUT I JUST FOUND IT SO WHAT THE HELL RIGHT?

reinventing your exit

2005-07-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

ok since i got home i been busy... the same day i got back i went anf hung out with kyle and we went with some other ppl to go see wedding crashers which was fuckin awesome. then i went and bought harry potter because im hardcore.

the next day i went to sams and we just sat aroud and worked on our jackets and we walked around and stuff.

im bored as hell

mama im comin home

2005-07-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

well im back from sweden!!!!!!!!! altho im only back for a couple days then camp. but the flight was a bitch!!! i got searched by a french guy who enjoyed his job too much, he thought i had something on me and he almost strip searched me. that woulda sucked royal ass!!

YAHH

2005-07-10T14:51:00.000-07:00

yeah today was fun i swam prety much all day but theres still that depression at the end of every day i deal with, but no one cares about my whining here so fuck that. altho my little paranoia issue i have right now isnt helping anything but i wont get into that because of people who read this

jag hatar er

2005-06-24T00:18:00.000-07:00

well i made it to sweden now!! my first day here i changed an alternator six fuckin times and it still didnt work...but the supra still goes 140 mph no problem....thats damn fun!!! and the six hour ahead time diff is crazy. its 12:15 am here ans its 615 there! i dont have i.m here so yeah this is communication. uhh its a national holiday today so EVERYTHINGis closed. no food no nothin it completely blows. but its so clean here...the air and everything, so much better than u.s, but i dont plan on movin here! ahh the language is so hard to learn...'the title of the entry is i hate you all in swedish' well not all just a couple of u. goddamnit margolis. peace out. la-er

bye

2005-06-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

BYE!!!!! ill miss you all...some more than others but dont worry you will be missed...cept for those fuckin kangaroos.

bolnoy bratchny

2005-06-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

but yeah whatever... i feel like im supposed to be writing some long meaningful entry as this will most likely be my last one for at least a month! but yeah i dont have much to talk about...
watchin bourne supremacy...good movie! max was sorta kinda supposed to come over tonight but that didnt work out so i officially wont see her for 2 months and that blows but i wont talk about it. annnnd yeah im taking off for sweden tomorow!!!! 23 hour flight. i have a cd player and like 40 batteries... and 3 books to read....clockwork orange...and two hellboy books that mi madre bought me. so yeah... if i come up with anything else to say ill make another entry!! email me people i want contact!!! shadow72m@hotmail.com ok its big so u know u cant blame it on not seeing my email adress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

super birthday snake!!!!

2005-06-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

uhhh yesterday

i went to graces house which was fun...
we shot a big foam thing to death with a bow and arrow which was pretty fun filled fun.
we played old style mario on the old nintendo thing.
we played duckhunt which i discovered i suck at!
then we watch aqua teen hunger force...best show ever! almost as much my hero as southpark.
her dog is fuckin huuuuuuuuuge its like a fucking horse! i could ride it around while wearin a little red cowboy hat and NOBODY would notice...well maybe i dunno.
and we played instruments...im in love with the old red bass they have its my friend and i want it! we then ate spinach ravioli and bread and concentrated orange juice.... it was ok i guess.
then i went home annnnd yeah watched tv and stuff til like 3 in the morning.

today so far i have planted bamboo....

wtf

2005-06-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

hey you guys are slipping!!! im not gettin any comments! wat the hell is this!!!! weak thats what it is.

a test thing from mos blog

2005-06-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

1.WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Joe 2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Camo 3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? misfits 4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Uhhhh... chips 5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Sometimes...need all the help o can get right? 6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Joe
7. WHAT IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?. Iunno its dark ill assume its hot 8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Maxine 9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS? Yeah mos my bud 10. HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY? 14 11. FAVORITE DRINK? AMP 12. HAIR COLOR? brown 13. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No 14. SIBLINGS? 2 bros, 2 sisters 15. FAVORITE MONTH? November 16. FAVORITE FOOD? AMP 17. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? August 23 is lookin pretty good 18. SUMMER OR WINTER? Depends on my mood, winter at the moment 19. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses, more special and close, like I hug everybody, and kiss... 20. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate bitch 21. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO REPLY? Sure why not 22. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? dunno 23. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? dont care 24. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? June 3rd 25. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Good question 26. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?. Went swimming
27. FAVORITE SMELL? That ocean smell thats always in all of your clothes when u get home from the beach and cgfs hair 28. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?. Inspires me to what? 29. FAVORITE SCENERY?. Ocean 30. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The ocean...rain... a persons voice

just keep swimming

2005-06-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

just keep swimmin just keep swimming just keep swimmming swimmming swimming.

yesterday went with kyle to batman which was awesome because scarecrow was in it!!! (mike irwin) was mucho fun

and then we went swimming...got out and ate...went swimming...went to his apartment and listened to music...went swimming........swimmminng......played volleyball...went swimming... played volleyball in the water!

talked to max on text messagin haha...shes havin fun at beach...and theres a small chance that she will come over on sunday night!

peace im out

la-er

fuck like a beast!

2005-06-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

this song will piss of the old'ns... animal (fuck like a beast) by wasp...download it and listen to it

I got pictures of naked ladies Lying on their beds I whiff that smell and sweet convulsion Starts a-Swelling inside my head I'm making artificial lovers for free I start to howl I'm in heat I moan and growl and the hunt drives me crazy I f*** like a Beast I come round, round i come feel your love Tie you down, down i come steal your love I come round, round i come feel your love Tie you down, down i come steal your love I'm on the prowl and i watch you closely I lie waiting for you I'm the wolf with the sheepsskins clothing I lick my chops and your tasting good I do whatever i want to, to ya I'll nail your ass to the sheets A pelvic thrust and the sweat starts to sting ya I f*** like a beast I come round, round i come feel your love Tie you down, down i come steal your love I come round, round i come feel your love Tie you down, down i come steal your love Come ride, savage seduction Ride, ride, ride

ich leibe dich

2005-06-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

yeah today was alright...

mornin
nothin really happened, i napped... i do that alot durin summer

afternoon
went and had dindin with some british people

night
went to sp with kyle, and we went to maggianos and ate side salads. was great fun
then we went swimmin in the apartmen complex's pool and yeah that was fun...

and it really just hit me awhile ago how much ill miss max for the next 2 months... and fuck u if ur like shutup pansy cuz ill break ur arm, what pansy am i then bitch? haha did i scare u? but yeah this is gonna suck a royal amount of ass! cuz while im in sweden we'l be lucky if i get to even email her!!! btw my email is shadow72m@hotmail.com ... damnit...

oh im gettin a tat of a swedish flag!

august 22

2005-06-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

yeah i dont have much to say for this entry... today was pretty damn boring... i rode my dirtbike for awhile...watched harry potter because im awesome like that... and yeah
leave for sweden: june 20th... camp ends: august 20th and ill be home probably 22nd... my disease is almost gone...still coughing a little but no worries to mommy im alright ;) haha i dont think ive EVER put one of those smiley thingys in an entry before...oh well... i know your lovin the ..............................

virus

2005-06-11T17:03:00.000-07:00

wow...i think i have some form of cough now! thats fun isnt it... nothings happened today because everything is boring, sigh... and i have this feelin that ive been getting alot lately, that something bad is gonna happen, and i dont want anything bad to happen that would suck really bad wouldnt it, so ill just hope im wrong and whatever badness i sense never arrives

party

2005-06-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

ok i must hurry while the day is still fresh in my mind!!!

last day of school
was kinda depressin but not too bad, and ida said great things about me, and ADAM WORE THE KICKASS SHIRT! annnnnnd iunno

PARTY
went to rebeccas party which was awesome.
first max and her friends were all on the couch and i was movin cans back and forth for them...
then i got t take her for a little while then they took her back so i wandered around talkin about sam rs...problems with him, and that was interesting... and then i got max back and we had a tournament with ben to see who got the room with he great bed couch thing, and ben won damnit so we tortured them! but we looked all over and all the other rooms were... occupied and while they had their half hour of alone time before they had to hand over the room, we went outside and i shoved sam off the porch balcony and i thought i killed him but he was ok so everything was great. then we got the room for the last half hour before she left and it was kinda funny cuz one of rebeccas twins was in the next room talkin to himself haha. and then at 10:30 we went outside to waitf for her dad and i was scared and the plan was for me to run upstairs when he came so i wouldnt be seen and it would be like i wasnt there...but NO!!! he snuck up on us and was like HI JOE! and it was terrifying but then she left so i was hanging with some homies and then my mama got there and now im home writing here... TWO FUCKING MONTHS...WAIT....TEN FUCKIN WEEKS!!!

shes my little go go dancer

2005-06-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

today was a pretty cool day, although it was kinda boring but still fun! if that makes any sense... i got a duck!!! and i named him charro!! and i pet him on the back of his little head! wow im a loser!!! so yeah... we got our yearbooks today, and i wrote half a page in max's yearbook which is kinda funny. and we had a party for adam today, and i ate a brownie!!!

theres a big part of me thats like holy shit im going to sweden thats fuckin wicked! then theres this other possibly bigger part of me thats like holy shit im goin the sweden that fuckin sucks! for obvious reasons, and i u don know u dont deserve to know! wow lots of exclamation points in this!!!!!!! hmm lets go to the past

picnic
it was pretty damn fun, i realized i can bounce! thats it

hmmm two months... damn

im going to a party at rebeccas tomorow and its gonna rock its gonna rock!!!!!!!!!!
hmmmm im so lame haha.

HOLY FUCK! SCHOOL IS OVER TOMOROW! SHOULD I BE HAPPY OR SAD? OR BOTH? I DUNNO! AHH OI! LA-ER

hippies dig me

2005-06-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

ACE OF ANGELS 72: u goin to rebeccas tomorow night

I LoraxSpk4Trees: ya

ACE OF ANGELS 72: we can have crazy pig sex!!!!

I LoraxSpk4Trees: haha

I LoraxSpk4Trees: yes senor

ACE OF ANGELS 72: oh u know u want it

I LoraxSpk4Trees: lol

ACE OF ANGELS 72: do i make u randy

I LoraxSpk4Trees: yes darling

damn right i turn ryan on!!!

i got to hang out with axel rose!!

2005-06-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

yeah so im gonna skip tellin you about the trip cuz im LAZY. so instead im gonna talk about the picnic...wait...no! ill just say that i got to spin around a lot... hang out with AXEL ROSE, laugh at wet ppl...beat ellen degeneress up, make the school smell like axe, talk to new kids... and other stuff that i dont recall.... la-er

oi!!!!

2005-06-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

yeah im pretty happy for the moment... im goin to sweden in two weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! partttAH! graduate in less than a week!!!! im gonna be the only one sittin ther like ahahahahhahahaa freedom im leavin fuck all you guys! kiddin im sure i might feel a little bit of remorse... la-er

nothing

2005-06-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

i didnt get invited to ben and dylans party so all i can do is sit on the computer and talk to ppl or be in my room alone with my thoughts. neither option is lookin that great for me right now, but nobody is on i.m right now so ill just be in my room i guess... 357 3354

its been a week...

2005-06-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

i have way too much shit it my head to really write about right now... im sure i could write about all the new/old problems right now, but i just dont know where to start... ill just leave it at: my nightmares are gettin worse and im havin one every night...situation with dad is gettin worse... and im just confused in general with life, i hate being confused and scared like this, i dont know what to do with anything in my life. i feel like i need something or someone, i dunno, but i dont know what or who it is, and im losing it. im tired of living in fear

number three

2005-06-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

yeah i know this is the third entry today haha... wow its not even 10 o clock! but yeah... ive always not been able to write if im happy, but what happens when u reach a point wher u'r too depressed to write depressed poetry? what do i do now? everythings so fuckin confused and i dunno if im stayin or goin or wat the fuck is goin on...and i just realized...have i gone through ONE entry that wasnt a poem or song lyrics where i havent said the word fuck? meh...fuck it

problem

2005-06-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

I’ll never be your beast of burden My back is broad but it’s a hurting All I want is for you to make love to me I’ll never be your beast of burden I’ve walked for miles my feet are hurting All I want is for you to make love to me Am I hard enough Am I rough enough Am I rich enough I’m not too blind to see I’ll never be your beast of burden So let’s go home and draw the curtains Music on the radio Come on baby make sweet love to me Am I hard enough Am I rough enough Am I rich enough I’m not too blind to see Oh little sister Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl Pretty, pretty Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl Come on baby please, please, please I’ll tell yaYou can put me out On the street Put me out With no shoes on my feet But, put me out, put me out Put me out of misery Yeah, all your sicknessI can suck it upThrow it all at me I can shrug it off There’s one thing babyThat I don’t understandYou keep on telling me I ain’t your kind of man Ain’t I rough enough, ooh babyAin’t I tough enough Ain’t I rich enough, in love enough Ooh! ooh! please I’ll never be your beast of burden I’ll never be your beast of burden Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be I don’t need no beast of burden I need no fussing I need no nursing Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be

Dreams Fuck you up man

2005-06-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

yeah so i thought i was gettin better but now im havin these fucked up dreams on a regular basis wher i die in these sick ways, and every time it gets worse. the one i had last night was interestin... i was back at sts and we were in this field lookin at the stars just like in real life, i was lying on my back with max just like that real night and then everybody got really quiet...then this huge spike fell out of the sky and impaled me right in the chest, and i died and i knew i was dead, but i was laughin... it was scary, and then when i woke up my chest hurt like fuck... it was fuckin weird... so anyways today was kinda lame...i wore my new shirt and it was really small haha but w.e, and then pirate games is old now and i dont want to do it anymore

BEST BUDDY

2005-06-01T00:31:00.000-07:00

REBECCA ROCKS MY COCK IN A SOCK UNDER A FUCKIN HUGEASS ROCK!!!!!!!

you

2005-05-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

when i was hurt
you were there

you kept me anchored
to the reality i kept falling from

when i wanted to die
you wouldnt let me go

you kept me here
kept me sane

you took me and broke me
you made me different

you gave me a reason to change
and now what

where do i go
theres nobody to tell me what to do

where to go

and it scares me sometimes
but with what you gave me

ill survive
and push past

at least i hope i can

so thank you
and never let go

go

2005-05-31T20:35:00.000-07:00

okay so i have no idea where i stand right now... ive gotten so used to being depressed and pissed with life that if it goes away i wont even like it, but happiness sucks anyways, least for me because all that shit has to end eventually... and every time i go up into happiness, i just fall further down when it ends... its not even worth thinkin anymore. i'd be happy just to completely stop, and just sit here until i cant move. i dont even know what the fuck im talkin about anymore, im just saying what comes into my head as it arrives, and i dont want any of this shit ther, when i look into myself i just want to see emptiness, because then i might not have anything to loook forward to, but at least i wouldnt get disapointed, right? i really have no fuckin idea wats going on, damnit. but watever.... fuck everything, and whatever the hell else thats there...

slipping

2005-05-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

was it all real?
those moments of eternity
or was it all a dream
visions in my head

why do i care
why do i bother
i just get hurt
its inevitable

maybe i'd be better off
to just fade away
into the crowds
a meaningless face

or maybe everyone else
would get along just fine
if i ran away
just lost in time...

lost

2005-05-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of being alone
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without youI'm lost without you

guns n roses betrayed me

2005-05-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

yeah i thought i was almost cmpletely better, but then sweet child of mine by g&r came on and i fell back where i was before... i dont even know why that song hurts so mmuch to listen to... oh well, i have to go act happy for my little bros party......

meh

2005-05-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

everythins meh... i dont feel like ive been ripped apart anymore, just kinda bad still, but i should be ok, i hope... where am i gonna be over the summer, without anybody there?

i got burned

2005-05-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

worst fucking day ever.
1-max and i broke up
2-i cut myself
3-i got caught cuttin myself
4-cried which sucked in its own right but worse made by the fact that i was crying on max's shoulder
5-i love her and i cant make myself stop.......................

california uber alles

2005-05-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

day one

okay so heres how the explo trip went down...so after we got there, we did a whole lot of these bullshit little team challenges, which completely sucked balls, then after that we ate shitty food, then after that we went canoeing,which was fun, cept it was fuckin freezing. and it was cool since max and i were in a boat together, which was pretty cool. then after that i was really fuckin cold. then they split our groups up (max and i were in seperate since toni thinks that we're gonna have sex 40 feet up in the air on the ropes course.) and we went to campfire which was anoying because our instructor dude was annoying as hell. then after that i found max again, said good night and then went to the cabin for a fun filled night of rapin zuri and kennedy.

the cabin

we just kindof hung out and runnin around while i told andrew to look at my guns, which dont exist but it was still fuckin fun!!!!! then i stole the little annoyin first year max's teddy bear(we will call him freak) from him, and he got very pissed. i loved it. im such a bad person!! then yeah! toni sung us a song!! she was actually pretty good. oh and then the fire alarm went off and we all had to go outside...and i was in my boxers. this is the convo that took place:
me-hi
max-hi
me- im in my boxers
her-yea i know
me-yea.....
then laughter...................................
it was great. then we all went to sleep and on to day two

day two

we woke up and i was tired as hell. had breakfast wher i almost fell asleep. then we split up into our groups and went off to the ropes course. the first thing we did was walk on a wire which was fun. i clapped 21 times while balancin on the wire. then max did the log and i was really proud of her for that. it was pretty bitchin. then after all the ropes and stuff, we went back to camp and ate dinner... campfired...and then went on a hike to a big pond thing, which was pretty cool. max and i were the only ones on this little dock because nobody wanted to "interrupt" us. even though we couldnt have done anything anyways because toni is fuckin crazy!!! laurie is my best friend though. so yeah... and then at the cabins, freak asked us what herpies was...so we told him it was a kind of bird...and he believed us!! retard....

(as a side bar to the whole thing, all the time we had like just to chill out, i pretty much sat on a variety of benches with max drinking diet mountain dew, because we are just that exciting)

day three

we went back to the ropes course, where i jumped off a telephone pole onto a trapeze bar which was great, then we did this thing wher i flew up straight in the air and yeah... max did both of them which was really great, especially the pole thing because she got to the top, AND jumped off and tried to grab the bar...didnt get it but thats irrelevant im still proud!
then we went and ate lunch and got in the cars to go back... max and i were in her dads car!! he was trying so hard to be nice and polite to me, he bought me fuckin icecream, i mean wat the hell?!?!?! so then we got back to school, and i said bye to max then got into kyles car to go to his old house where we listened to music, watched little nicky, and then we buzzed my mohawk off, which kindof makes my regular profile wrong so im gonna change that!!! then we walked to arbys where i ate alot of curly fries and stuff so that was fun. then his mama took me home and everything was great, everything is great, and everything will be fuckin great!! ok thats enough of an entry for one night isnt it....except for one thing... I DOWNLOADED FIT BUT YOU KNOW IT BY THE STREETS!!!!

so weird

2005-05-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

one question then im done for the night...how can one person, in less then 10 minutes...bring a fucked up guy whos scared and depressed out of his mind, to almost complete elation?

scared

2005-05-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

life shouldnt be like this....i need help. i need somebody to help me take away the pain. i cant live like this. im losing it

BEST FUCKIN SONG EVER

2005-05-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah like i said i think you are really fit but my gosh
don't you just know it!?
i'm not trying to pull you
even though i would like to
i think you are really fit
you're fit but my gosh don't you know it.

goddamn comuning

2005-05-20T23:15:00.000-07:00

well the fourth year trip was pretty cool, although i must say that i muc more enjoyed the bus rides there, back, and all over much more than anything else that happened. so apparently because i wasnt talkin to everyone, max and i were automatically seperating ourselves from the group and werent alowed to touch each other like at all for about an hour, and that sucked because it was fucking freezing and all i had was a t-shirt. but i definetly skipped alot, must be the amp....... so rafting was alright... sam fell out and i laughed at him. then after the event of max and i "not comuning enough" we went to see star wars. the begining was alright, but max fell asleep and then i fell asleep on her shoulder so there is like an hour long chunk missing, but if u take it in context the movie made sense. we woke up just in time to see anakin get his ass whupped and then burn! that was definetly awesome. then we got back on the bus and fell asleep again until we got back to camp christian, where i was brutally molested by like everyone. then in the morning we went to the "ropes course" which was really little and it took like a minute to do. max didnt want to do it so she didnt go, even though i tried really hard to get her to do it, nope! then they were talking in geography code which drove me completely fucking insane, but thats irrelevant. then we got BACK on the bus, for another like 4 1/2 hours of sleep jsut so i could get back home, put on a fuckin tuxedo, and go to the dance. max looked amazing, and rachel grabbed us and took a picture of us which i bet will be in the end of year slideshow. then she left early so i went and danced with ryan to the tarzan song. then i left early 2 because i was bored, and i accidently took rebeccas cell phone with me becasue she put it in my jackets pocket while dylan was wearing it and i completely forgot about it. well this entry has gone on long enough! peace

blood and whiskey

2005-05-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

HOLY FUCK!! I PASSED THIS YEAR! I JUST FINISHED MY LAST ASSIGNMENT FOR THIS YEAR!!!!! HOLY SHIT IM EXCITED!!!!
but other that that not much else happend.. but ill run through my day anyways.

so classes went well, history we ate donuts, writin we watched slideshows, science we just sat ther, and math we played bingo....

at lunch not much happened except jim rose walked up to me and max and said that despite my "mohawkness" we were a really cute couple... i dunno but if u ask me thats a little fuckin creepy!

then at advisee time my group was at lunch and i didnt want to go with them so i joined max's group and as we were walkin up the library stairs spencer and randy poured FUCKIN WATER ON US! which really isnt that bad so i dunno why the caps are ther but still it sucked. then at sex ed we had ice cream cake and i date raped margolis!!!!

after school i went up with max to part of the soccer party thing and that was pretty cool. thats it

i caught fire

2005-05-15T16:38:00.000-07:00

yeah today has been pretty boring so instead im gonna talk about yesterday because that was most definetly better.
i hit my uncle with a condum filled with water and that really pissed him off! and that was great, but yea..... max got here yesterday and we went to see hitchhikers guide to the galaxy which was a really good movie and i recomend it to everybody. and then after that we walked back home and had these weird little shishkabob things that were pretty good but not that great, and then we stayed in my room burning incense and watchin the chapelle show and pissed off her dad who already hates me because "i have a dirty mouth" and yea thats all folks

OI!

2005-05-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

yea here i am to talk about my day! uhhh nothin really happened except at lunch i drank a bunch of soda and it was great. mmm yea if u dont know the new events in my life u dont deserve to! o im finally movin along on my history thing, unlike SOME ppl i know. o we signed up for our classes next year today... im in fuckin western philosophy.... voluntarily! an dim in band so i get to play guitar the whole year, or bass for those technical bitches. im out peace.

part 2

2005-05-08T21:12:00.000-07:00

im stilll feeling realllllly good. things are gettin better and better alll day!

part one

2005-05-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

yea so far this day has been a success! from 1:30 in the morning up until right now ive been pretttyy happy. update later tonight to see if im still feeling like this.

greetings from iceland

2005-05-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

dont ask about the title its random and strange and has no real bearing on this entry! so yea today wasnt so bad. almost no homework and sams gonna be here in like 10 minutes so im content. im really gettin tired of dylans uniform view on punk now so i might slap him in te head soon but then again i do that all the time so hmm i have to think of somthin interestin to do to him. ill take any suggestions that ppl can think up. ok back to my day! lunch was cool and yea. at 7th we went and saw that music thing and that was pretttttyyyy cool but not cool enough to go see on the performance thats right now! or whenever the fuck its showing. some day im gonna go back and count how many times i have said the word fuck in this blog. im sure ill be shocked and appaled at my own vulgar behaviour! but thats alright. no new developments in my grl situation! yes rebecca i know you know who it is, but thats cuz ur special.

ghost love score

2005-05-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

im sure many people will be surprised to hear that i like someone again! but its not rebecca, georgia, or aja as commonly as they are loved! its....
______!!!!! haha i know you people reallllllllyyyy care about my feelings on any subject but w.e. no chance with this person anyways so yea... wat else can i talk about? i went to the beach which was ok....got home, got in a fight and completely owned! but other than that, no new developments in my life.........

hakakakakaka

2005-04-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

yea...sry i havent written in awhile because i know you guys are so bored with your own lives that u turn to MINE...for some sort of mediocre satisfaction, but sorry to disapoint u fuckers im just as boring as YOU!
so yea nothin happened just been workin on h.w o no im fucked in everything... sorry this entry isnt long im just not patient enough today!

work

2005-04-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

today was fuckin insane. i spent like the whole goddamn day makin holes with a machine thats like a jackhammer with a fuckin hugeass drill bit so my arms hurt like fuck needless to say. then after that i put big poles in all the holes because its for a fence. then it started to rain but we kept going... and i dont even fuckin get payed for this shit! i have to go do more of it tomorow 2.

john simon richie

2005-04-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

"You were my little baby girl/And I knew all your fears/Such joy to hold you in my arms/And kiss away your tears/But now you're gone/There's only pain/And nothing I can do/And I don't want to live this life/If I can't live for you
-the note sid vicious left before he overdosed on heroine. thats where fame got him, a musician brought down by drugs, alchohol, self destructive behavior, and nancy spungen

yeeha

2005-04-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
-some guy. tillis

why

2005-04-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

ok here i am again because i have nothing better to do with my life. i am a pathetic loser whos methodical persistence at everyday life would fill even the easiest person to impress with an utmost boredom and a feeling of agony to make themselve want to pick up a spoon and shove it up their ass to distract themself from the pain!!! that was the first rant of todays entry and im sure ther will be many more my lonesome friends. ok i know this happened a long time ago but i request a moment of sincere silence for the death of Mitch Hedberg............................................................. ok enough silence for one day. im watchin lewis black on tv and its great but my back hurts so my life is completely ruined because of that little inconvinience to my body and damn isnt this a long fucking sentence?!!??!? hmm wat else can i talk about? an ideas? i have none...o wait
somehow i got into taking rebecca to a concert with a band called spoon.... who the fuck is spoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????? and i might take jeramie to a concert of the explosion and although they arent quite my kind of music.... it should be pretty fun, right? oh no! my life is ruined comercials come to haunt me for the rest of my life!!! or amybe like 5 minutes who knows? my mom and i are going on a road trip! to see a finnish band called nightwish theyr pretty good so that will be awesome. alright fuck you guys.... im out
peace

fuckbag

2005-04-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

fuck this shit

nevermind

2005-04-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

yea its nighttime in case u didnt notice. im bored as fuck so yet again i have stooped to writing in this bullshit weblog. so yea. my groups goin camping tomorow and damn do i not want to go but i guess its better than going to my dads house... he pisses me off. i have a dentist apointment tomorow so i get to miss my morning classes and sleep in so while u fucks are learning im rotting my brain away missing valuable school time and gettin my mouth looked at by some weir d old guy who enjoys his job way 2 much. i stole kyles cky shirt and made a decision... fuck him im keeping it. because cky is great. Tillis

bleach

2005-04-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

well my mohawk is a success, although its slightly orange instead of red its still fuckin awesome. im writing my history paper on nirvana and the death of kurt cobain (that bitch courtney love did it) schools almost over so im pretty fuckin happy about that.
'i like to be passionate and sincere, but i also like to have fun and act like a dork. geeks unite"
excerpt from kurt cobains journal
im out, peace.

punk rock christmas

2005-04-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

yea here i am again yay.
i bleached my hair and it itches like fuck but its all good. im dyin it red tomorow but i must go as kyle will arive shortly

pet cemetary

2005-04-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

fuck... yea im bored now talk to me homies! yea nothin happened today cept for margolis followin me around at lunch and we all know how great that is

Asthenia

2005-04-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

yea havent written for a few days but here i am. im completely fucked on that fog of war thing because i missed half of it but watever. i learned a few new songs for the bass and got some new cds... o yea i stayed over at kyles last night and we got to play tony hawk underground in the apartment complexes PRIVATE. MOVIE. THEATER. which was fuckin great. o my mom broke her foot again but shes gonna be alright i believe. i wore a shirt that says rainbow soccer on it today and that made me sad but its all good now. so im listening to techno rave right now, and isnt that wonderful? its quite funny 2 because llike 5 minutes ago i was lisnin to misfits so yea. our class went to the documentary film festival wher we got to watch a movie about some crazy ass gymnasts and that was ok. and sam and i were the only ones in the car so we documented our entire trip with my camera phone. im not a loser i swear! so yea, i want to hang out with someone cuz im bored so i think ill go to sp now........

losseerrrrrrrrr

2005-04-02T12:30:00.000-08:00

wow im a loser... 2 days left in spring break, and im alone. ive beat solitaire twice today and im watchin static shock! save meeeeeeeeee

out of control

2005-04-02T11:19:00.000-08:00

alright....i give in, i made a blog. i dont even know wat im supposed to say in these things. i assume its just a little storyish thing i dunno, but the age of plaid is over, except for my belt because its great and i already payed for it, well i went to the beach, which was pretty fun. i got a sword and a buterfly knife, pierced my other ear, annnnnnnd thats it for now i guess. but no! i want to say more.... o im gettin my mohawk back, bleaching it, and then dying it bright red. and if u dont like it, FUCK OFF IMEDIATELY. hmm i think i spelled imediatley wrong. beat the bastards beat them now.................... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HATCHET
POCKET